The internet has ruined porn.

Posted: December 5, 2012 in Publishing

JonnyGibbingsI was listening to the radio, and a doctor was saying that young women, and I mean young, early teens, at college etc. are going to the doctor with injuries, from sex. Anal fissures and similar and that is truly sad. Any harm on anyone is tragic. And they say it is porn’s fault. No. I say it is internet porn that has done this. Porn, and I mean magazine porn, had a magical mystery to it. This, for me does at least have a literary link… for once. As it is in tandem with Kindle vs traditional book.

Let me be first to say, in my defense of old school porn. Men and women are different species. I’m not saying for a second women don’t enjoy porn, but I am pretty bloody confident they don’t believe it. Men do.
Us guys, as it is printed, well, we see it is an instruction manual. I think women are just born smarter. And born better at  the being sexy stuff. Any guy, when he goes out with his girlfriend to a club, how is girlfriend dances when she is out with her man is very different to how she dances on a girls night out. On a night out with a husband or boyfriend, they dance all nice. On a night out with the girls – it’s sexy – grinding poles, sexy dancing. We are different. I say that because women can dirty dance with eachother. Best friends, grinding provocatively for a joke. Men would NEVER do that. If my mate Bulldog was dancing, and I ran up and started grinding against him, rubbing my cock on him, all sexy – he’d punch me in the face. Women, they are out for a good time. They do that, “I just want to dance – hey Lucy, lets go out and dance!”
And they Do, And enjoy it. As a one time doorman, I have seen this many times. Where women do that thing where they stand in a circle of friends and just dace, looking at each other, having a great time.
I am quite confident, men have never done this. I have never had a mate go;
“Jonny, Matt, Bulldog… I just wanna dance. Lets go out and dance our asses off!”
You would never get guys in a group, dancing in a circle. They’d be like “This is shit, and I am not at all comfortable with this ‘circle dance’ thing you suggested, and you looking at me like that while I’n trying to dance!” 
Women are, it seems, born sensual. Made sexy. Us men are clumsy and gullible.

The problem is, now any kid can go online and view gaping ass porn. Hardcore, nasty stuff. It is all there, any kind you can imagine. Key in ‘Midget fucking goat’ and it will ask you to specify which kind of goat!

See magazine porn was different. Someone had to have the balls to go in and buy that magazine. He had to look at a selection, choose one, take it to a till and hand over money to a dude. And in that financial transaction, everyone involved knew masturbation would soon follow. How embarrassing is that? Porn, was like A unicorn, a myth. It wasn’t everywhere when I was a kid. One day, a kid will find his dads and a theft would take place. Then the kid would sneak it into school, and it was like a treasure map. A journal of secrets, of the unexplained creature that was woman. I remember one kid saying,
“LOOK this one is shaved!”
“WHY?” I asked.
“So you can see more of it!”
“Why – does it play CD’s?”
You felt like you had discovered something, that being ignorant to sex would soon be over and manhood was close. Little that we know it was all bullshit. And that was the fun of it. There was a kid at one school who’s Dad was the vicar. I can’t remember his name, but he smoked woodbines. That is equivalent of balling up asbestos and setting it on fire in your mouth. Previously his dad had been a missionary in Africa and had black and white pictures. This kid stole one, and it was of Masai tribes women with there tits out. Not like any tit I had seen, like a black gym sock with a rock in the bottom, but hey – they were tits. Actual tits.
We used to pay to see it. Then, the kid who found his Dads porn mag, well that was currency. He sold us pages of it for big profits. When you think that his dad was ‘buffing his trophy’ over it it is kinda gross, but as a kid, you didn’t think far ahead. Old school porn was just pictures of sex taking place in random places, like the woods or at an office. It just about showed you where bits went. The woman was always screaming in ecstasy in some stupid position, that made us think that was as expected. It is a bit like the first time your car breaks down, and your with your girlfriend. You, instinctively say, “Let me just go take a look.” You open the bonnet, and look down on a bunch of stuff. Things that do shit, and one thing that doesn’t anymore. You have no fucking idea what any of the shit in there does. You look because your a dude and you are convinced you should know shit like this. Later you find you can get repair manuals. They show you what things look like and where to put it. That is what porn was like. Now, with internet porn, the discovery, the mutual embarrassment has gone. Internet porn is the full of the kind of deviant stuff you do once you’ve done everything else. It’s is full of that bullshit stuff that is pointless. Like when they guy pulls his knob out, spanks the girl on the  ass with it, then plumbs it back in. WHY? Like the girls is going to look at you and go
“Ohh- classy, thank you.”

Internet porn makes you believe that if out on a walk and accidentally stumble on a couple having sex, you could just wander up and stick your dick in her mouth… and not get beaten to death. Internet porn leap-frogs the dumb shit stage. Old school porn was like an Indiana Jones adventure. There was a place in the woods where there were always porn magazines stashed. Since, I have chatted to friends, and they also knew of places in woods where mags were hidden. Internet porn has ruined the porn hunt. As an adult, the thought of a bush with hidden porn where some old dude has been blowing his load, is gross.  Kids don’t think about why it was there… it was simply a porn tree. But, the internet has ruined this. I often wonder, when humans die out and ape archaeologists dig up these porn mags from the woods.

“It would appear humans mated outdoors. It is still a puzzle how the female got pregnant as the semen seemed to always end up on the face.”

Comments
  1. Tasha Turner says:

    Too funny. And eww, I knew there was a reason I never wanted to touch those magazines when my brothers and friends were passing them around. Just eww think about where they’d been.

  2. Chris Morton says:

    The Indiana Jones adventure of searching for lost porn in the woods – too true. Fun times.

  3. rebeccadouglass says:

    As usual when these things, um,, come up, I’m not sure I wanted to know this much about men’s minds!

  4. Sarah says:

    Delighted to have found your shit ranting ramblings again!! There was a distinct lack for a while. Now sort your life out and rant away! Go!

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