Abu Qatada…

Posted: November 12, 2012 in Publishing

Abu Qatada has escaped deportation once again. They say this time They say Abu Qatada has to be released because he hasn’t broken any rules in England. As an author I can think of one. What about the rule that says you have to have a ‘u’ after ‘q’? The radical cleric’s lawyers won the right for him to stay on UK soil after successfully arguing that he won’t get a fair trial and will get the death penalty in his native Jordan.


 Is it just me, but this has to be the best anti terrorism poster campaign – ever. 

Initially, I suggested (and got ignored I might add) using Susan Boyle as an anti terrorist campaign. Because from what I believe, the idea of a suicide bomber is you blow yourself up, then you become a martyr. Then you go to paradise and you get 72 virgins. Why 72 I have no idea, but it is 72. I am confident that if you use Susan Boyle to illustrate what a virgin looks like, these potential suicide bombers probably wouldn’t want 72 of them. I mean, there is a reason she is a virgin. I don’t want to be mean, yes she has the voice of an angel, but she also has the face of a badger. See, the problem with this virgin idea, is these suicide bombers are Muslims, who don’t drink. It’s not like they could get them drunk to poon them is it. And they’d have to. Sober isn’t going to swing it is it. I’m not saying you’d have to get a virgin drunk to have sex, but the conversation will be a bit of a buzz killer isn’t it? “Hi. Yeah, you all are here because I blew up a bunch of people.” I tell you this, nobody ever coaxed 72 virgins into the kind of sex you see in illegal porn with a bottle of mineral water.

 Now, we have an even better poster for anti terrorism. Abu Qatada. I know I am a twat, but stay with me, as I think this is a solid idea.

Abu Qatada, who’s taped sermons found to be used by the 9/11 terrorists, and suicide cells in America, Germany, France and here in Britain. Who preached that all Muslims should fight to kill the western infidel. A holy jihad. He has preached long and hard about his hatred for the West, and how it is noble and Gods will to die for the cause. The right hand man for Osama Bin laden who somehow, convinced an awful lot of people to do his bidding. He was a massive spokesman for al-Qaeda. So, how come is it, that now HE has the threat of death, it isn’t so noble and just to die? How come when he has his chance to get his 72 virgins and paradise, he doesn’t want to? Oh, and while we are at it. How come he wants to say here in Britain – y’know the evil Western infidel dogs? Because his own country, the very non Western Jordan will kill the beardy fucker? Year after year, time after time, he has used just over £3 million pounds of Western infidel taxpayers money to feed, clothe, school and house his family and save his pathetic, cowardly life?. Fighting to stay here so he wont die? Where is your Jihad now? Where is Gods will? Begging for his life like the sniveling weak coward he is.

Stick that on a fucking poster.

  1. ruthramsden says:

    If he was Abu Hamza’s ‘right hand man’ what sort of tasks do you think he’d be required to perform? But we all know he’s a beardy wanker. Good stuff Jonny!

  2. I think 72 is a mistranslation from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

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