Can’t we all just get along?

Posted: April 27, 2012 in Publishing
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Ebooks will be the end of the hard copy, self publishing is the ruination of quality publishing, Amazon is a Mafia construct employing a cartel… the war continues. Can’t we all just get along? London book Week featured heavily on China, so, maybe it should be Chinese Book Week. Some people were not happy about the China thing, because it featured only some of the authors, according to some Chinese expert. I think he was called Som Ting Wong. Only some?… Have you seen how many people there are in China? London Book Week featured only some of the UK authors – I wasn’t featured. I didn’t go and kick in a window.
Then we have the argument that all the people on the shortlist for the Orange women’s literary prize, were women. Eh? I was more bothered that not one of them were orange! Cynthia Ozick is pale blue for fucks sake. Now Jordan, aka Katie Price – she’s orange. I’ve not read her book, because I’m not a cunt, and I imagine that it reads a bit like what terminal cancer feels like, but at least she is orange.
Then there was the argument about the Pulitzer short list is too short, and it should be longer. Well, the clue is in the name. The ‘short’ list. There is a longer short list. The list, and a longer list – the long list… but to enable to have a short list, you have to make the list… shorter, thus necessitating a short list.
Publishing – what is with all the bitching and fighting? Can’t we all get along? It isn’t about size, or how we present our words, it’s about words. Digital or traditional, words are simply our tools. My words are my tool. As you are reading this, it’s like I am putting my tool inside you. My book is my tool. I want to put my tool in as many people as possible. I want you to tell people about me. I guess what I am saying is I want to be in your mouth. Okay, I agree, mine may biggest or thickest tool. But my tool has satisfied many people. I have had people say “Oh it was good, I loved it” I have then had their mothers begging to have my tool in them too. But, it’s okay, I don’t mind if you want to get your teeth into someone else’s more meaty tool, I’m happy to share. I do believe everyone has a book inside them. While I had mine surgically removed, I still love books, they touch that inner child we have inside all of us. Regardless of age, we all have that inner child. So lets stop arguing about what to love, and enjoy love. The love of reading. A love of books. Let’s stop fighting and let me put my tool in you and and let me touch your child.

I suggest, at the Hey Festival, we all get together when the sun goes down. Just all of us, possibly in the car park to accommodate the numbers. We then can get our tools out. You can place your tool in my hand, and I in yours. Your tool might be bigger than mine, but I will still want it in me. I will long for my tool to be in the mouths of people I don’t know.
Lets get together, get our tools out and touch eachothers children.

That reminds me – my book is on a special offer by the way… on Amazon 77p (1.24$)
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Malice-in-Blunderland-ebook/dp/B006H5WPBO/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1335505741&sr=1-1

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