Money can’t buy love?

Posted: April 17, 2012 in Publishing

They say funny things people. They say, money can’t buy you love, and they also say money doesn’t make you happy. Lets start with the latter. Money doesn’t make you happy. Stupidest thing ever, yes it can. It certainly takes the sting out of being miserable. Have a look at a picture of a guy on holiday, riding a jet ski. Look at his face. There will be the biggest mutherfucking grin. Money did that. Money paid for the holiday and bought the Jet Ski. You can’t look pissed off on a jets-ski – FACT.

Now, lets look at ‘Money can’t buy you love.’ Maybe not, but it can buy you the kind of sex you only get to see on illegal Russian porn. Money, no matter how you slice it – gets you laid, and beautiful people pretending to love you. I’d settle for that.
Take Simon Cowell and his latest confessions, that he was nobbing Danii Minogue. I hate Simon Cowell. He is an utter slimy cunt, who delights in the public ruination of kids dreams. If you could send syphilis through the post, I’d send that fucker some of mine. But there I have glimmer of admiration for the Danii thing. He knew she was fucking him for the gig, fucking him for the check. The good thing about Danii, and why I admire his choice is that she’s had so much botox, he wouldn’t have to look at her horrified face as he fucked her.
I have a similar technique, in that I don’t get to see a horrified face during sex, because my fat meaty, aboriginal granny type man tits flop over their face. Hence I always suggest the woman bring a snorkel so she can breathe through the 9 minutes of me grunting like an asthmatic troll. If I had the chance, I would have split Danii like and old piece of firewood.

What glimmer of admiration was then immediately quashed by his other revelation that he bought his ex Mezhgan Hussainy, a five million pound house as a goodbye present. Simon said “We had blazing rows, but I put her in the public eye and attracted a lot of attention to her. I had to be sensitive about her position.” Mrs Hussainy, who got the gig as the make-up artist through fucking Cowell, and now launched a cosmetic range to coincide with her now TV work, needed a £5m house as a goodbye? C’mon – that has to be hush money doesn’t it?  I bet it ended like this: “Fine, lets see other people… if I give you millions and a fuck-off massive house, will you promise to never tell any one I can only get an erection if your fist fucking me while dressed as a pirate and me an adult baby?”

I’m a shallow motherfucker. Ugly too. I can empathise with Cowell to a point. But if ANOTHER beautiful woman used me, I wouldn’t be buying houses. I’d pay her mum and dad a million, I’d be filming me fucking her mother as her father fingers my ass, and then leak it world wide as a sex tape. So everyone can see me fucking her parents. All that money, and all he sees fit to do is give it away. Tell her to fuck off and enjoy the career boost, walk into a hospital and pay to keep a maternity unit open you fuck.

There is another thing I admire Cowell for. He doesn’t skip out on paying tax. Unlike many slimy banker and celeb. Cowell paid £21m last year. I have massive admiration for the likes of  Cowell & J.K. Rowling. who have made millions tells the tax man that she still lives in England, so pays tax in this country. Doing the maths simply, if you earn 1 million, half will go to the tax man.

This brings me nicely on to the charity tax debacle. Government – greedy cunts? Oh you have no idea, they plan to cripple charities now. If you had to pay £500,000. But as an alternative – you could give the whole lot to charity, would you? I bet you would! It’s a bit like fucking a prostitute and knowing not all the money will go on crack, some will go n nappies and baby milk. Currently, if you gave £500,000 to charity instead of the tax man, the charity would get £400,000 and the government £10,000.
Okay, so these posh cunts aint doing it out of the love for charity, they are doing it to look good and avoid tax – so be it.  If Mr Richiebollocks decides that half his £1million income should go to charity, the division would look like this: the charity gets £400,000, topped up by £100,000 handed on by the taxman. The Government, having started out with £350,000, gets to keep about £250,000. The high earner is left with £250,000, or approximately half what he’d keep had he not made a donation. So Richiebollocks gets to keep more and charities get big donations. Win win.

But now, the maximum Mr. Richiebollocks will get back is £150,000. That is the maximum, so even if he dumped millions and millions, he’d get a £150,000 kick back?  Call my cynical, but I can’t see too many going for that. Where, exactly is the ‘Big society’ in this idea. Leave the loopholes open for multi-national PLC’s to avoid tax, and make up the difference by taking it out of charities? Every time Cowell gets dumped, I want the toxic little gurning twat weasel to give the money to charity,  not buy some tart a village!

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