Good will to all men…

Posted: December 1, 2011 in Publishing

I have mixed feelings when December arrives. Butterflies of excitement fight for space in my belly with the gut wrenching of anxiety. December, the run up to Christmas and the New year. Where the very best in us and the very worst in us is amplified. I have old wounds that are sensitive to this. In care homes I spent much of my time as a child, everybody would pretend things were going to me okay at Christmas. It was a false hope, but you went along with it, because the sugar coating tasted nice. The Christmas tree with fake presents made you wish for next year and having an actual present. Even if at home, the violence was on hiatus, family smiled. They were tolerant. Happy… for a while. But like the angry little volcano’s we are. It was temporary. For a couple of weeks, there would be no beatings.
I see this in so many of us now. The very best in us, soon to be the worst. Right now the town is full of Christmas decorations, people are happy. Opening doors for each other, being polite. Letting cars out of junctions. Showing us all how tolerant we can be. Today is the first of the Month, two weeks from now, it will be a cluster-fuck. People queueing outside shops from 7am to be first in the sales. Fighting each other to buy things with money they don’t have. Getting shit they don’t need. For people who don’t want it. Accident and Emergency rooms have a huge spike this time of year for the people trampled underfoot, elbowed in the face. Watching people fight while they play Christmas carols. I’m astonished. People going, “Goddammit!” “Jesus Christ!” “Holy FUCK!” “Pa-rum-pum-pum-pum.” It’s tragic. If we have the capacity to be tolerant and patent a mere two weeks previously, why can’t we just carry that momentum forward?

I know times are hard and we live in a time of paradox. We work longer hours so we can have bigger salaries, from jobs that we hate. To buy beautiful houses but live in broken homes. We envy those with money yet don’t enjoy the money we have. Health is the least envied until it’s gone. We have a million pills for every symptom yet ignore for the cause. More experts for more problems. Things are not that bad. Many will still get food, stuff it with more food, and then put food on top of that. How would you justify that to a third world country? I know I sound preachy, but we are all so lucky, and December does this to me. We can at any moment put our hands on food and fill our belly with comfort. I can say this because if ever they exhume my skeleton, you will see the tooth marks where hunger has gnawed at my bones. I also know I cannot criticise others for their behaviour. I have done terrible things for money. You can’t see the scars but they are ugly and live in my mind like prison tattoos. Christmas is meant to be a religious festival. I don’t believe in God, but I believe in the Devil. I’ve done his work. Yet I also know we have the ability to patient, tolerant and kind. It costs nothing.

17 days from today will be a year since a little boy called Sam died. Of all things flu. He was like compressed sunshine, he got poorly and never got better. This will be his brothers first Christmas with nobody to play with. Sorry if this isn’t a funny post, but if you have food on your table and are able to go and buy shit, than things are okay. If all your family is home or safe then life is good.  For Sam, and for every  little boy who dad is a solider and wont be coming home, for anyone less fortunate. Lets try and make the good will last a bit longer. Those who know me well know of my tattoo LIT. It means Life is Temporary. So raise a glass to yourself, your doing ok. It doesn’t take much to add life to our years, not just years to our life.

  1. danholloway says:

    superb. Live every moment, don’t just let it pass.

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